I chanced upon an article in Top Sante magazine, July 2011 issue (left pic). The cover story titled `Is Exercise Making You Fat?’ obviously caught my attention.

After reading it, I realize that I’ve to look at my weight loss program in a different perspective. I would like to share some of it’s key points that spoke volumes to me.

* If we’re honest, most of us see exercise as a form of punishment made bearable only by that virtuous feeling when it’s all over. Example : a Lou Fox, 37, from Warwickshire, says `the best part of my Zumba class is when it ends and I can go for coffee and cake’. This is not a healthy attitude.

* Exercise is important to health and wellbeing, but it should never be used as a coping strategy for overeating.

One study compared two groups: those who watched an extra hour of TV a day and those who did an extra hour of exercise. Guess which group ate the most? The exercisers – on average. Another study drew a similar conclusion, after women who were asked to do supervised exercise to lose weight just increased their food intake to compensate.

* Doing more exercise means the body simply resets it’s equilibrium, so you have to increase your calorie intake to make up for the extra fuel requirements – or else conserve energy by doing less. You end up wolfing down two dinners after your aerobics class or spend the rest of the evening on the sofa with your feet up because you’re so exhausted.

* If you ‘re using exercise as a coping strategy for disordered eating, it’s unlikely to be sustainable.

* Exercising can become a form of bulimia. If you use it to purge your body of calories, it can be hard to step off the treadmill – physically and mentally. The guilt takes over until you can’t eat anything without exercising – you must go to the gym, whether you want to or not, it becomes all-consuming.

* There’s no getting away from the fact the only way to lose weight AND keep it off is to change your eating habits.

* Not that anybody is suggesting we ditch exercise altogether, simply that we change our thinking. Ironically when you start to exercise for the right reasons, you’re much more likely to maintain it. The mood boost you get will have a knock=on effect on your diet and you’ll be less likely to comfort eat in the first place.

Does any of the above ring bells for you and sounds familiar?

Somehow I feel sorry for my body which I’ve been punishing and my mind which I’ve been fooling for these past few months. Everyday I face that calendar infront of me, reminding myself how many more days till end of the month where I should have lost my target weight for that month. I constantly berate and curse myself for being so weak and useless. I feel so much shame and guilt after I wolf down that extra helping and I never want look myself in the mirror or catch my own reflection to remind myself what a failure I have been and will continue to be.

I’ve always been `bullied’ for my weight. From when I was little until now, during school days, working days and even strangers who whisper, giggle or give me that disgusted look, I made all that my motivation to lose weight. And everytime when a diet fails or when weight piles on, I feel as though I have let myself down. In actual fact, I am my worse enemy.  I criticize myself the most.

I guess I have a lot to ponder on, to reflect on. But I do need to continue with my diet, I’ve achieved a milestone already. Isn’t this journey such a pain in the ass? There are wars in Afghanistan and famine in Somalia, crisis in the East, the world is in turmoil. But the greatest war is, within me.