Dark Clouds, please go away.....

It's down time for me for this several months after losing 10kgs, I not only stumbled on a concrete wall but i currently put back on 5kgs.

Perhaps it's the external pressure and also pressure i put upon myself that made me fall off the bandwagon. I know i'm dealing with emotional eating problems as i'm back to snacking and i crave a lot more now.

But thank God i didn't go back to drinking caffeine or carbonated drinks, or eating rice...although there are two or three instances i ate a whole plate of fried rice.

I've read that emotional eating is from feelings of loneliness, boredom, stress or just plain physically tired. I feel all of them, so how?

There are times now that i find myself preparing for the worst, getting unattached from my family. I want them to not depend on me so much.....this is so...that when i die, they won't be left hanging so much. I'm teaching my kids to pick up after themselves, do some housework. Not because i'm lazy and want them to do the housework, but because mu husband won't have to hurriedly look for another wife to look after them. Of course i allow my husband to re-marry after i'm gone but she has to be a better person than me, a better mother, a better wife. That is my only clause.

I've so much health problems this year, right from my asthma attacks, my slipped disc, my swollen head and then me losing my hair. When started losing weight, i feel, somehow, in control of my life. That perhaps that is the push i needed to improve my health. But now? Why am i always such a failure?